It’s been over 2 000 years God has left us. What has he been up to since?
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Our last interaction with God was through his son, Jesus, over 2 000 years ago. Since this one was crucified on the cross, there has been events here and there that could be linked to the Lord, although nothing really tangible.
Now, over 2 000 years later, we can pinpoint the exact location of God, and what he has been doing for at least the past decade. It would seem that God has now become a follower of popular website Pornhub, going as far as having a verified account on the well-known site.
Furthermore, on top of being verified, his profile supplies us with some rare insights on the Divinity, stating he is currently 35 years old, thus probably reincarnated, identifies as a “Male”, settling the philosophical debate on his gender, and would seem to be interested in the opposite gender, being “Girls”. Finally, it would seem Americans were right all along, with our Supreme Lord being located in the country of Freedom, the United States of America.
Moving on to his son, Jesus Christ, this one started doing odd jobs on Fiverr, before becoming a YouTube celebrity holding a YouTube channel with over a million subscribers. Jesus claims that by just subscribing to his channel, one will be saved, which we immediately did to avoid rotting in Hell. In other words, Vade retro satana, we’ve been blessed.
Quite a lot can be learned from the son of God through his channel, seeing how he struggles to adapt to modern society by trying to make ends meet. Just from the location, one can determine the son of God was tired of his original country, and decided to move to Long Beach, Southern California, in the United States. His videos seem to cover a wide range of subjects, and, just as his Father, Jesus seems to be quite open-minded, tackling subjects such as masturbation, sex-toys and… space exploration. Rather unexpected for the son of God, as one would expect Paradise is the limit.
Finally, it seems Jesus pardoned the sins committed by humans against him, and decided to continue absolving our sins by skating for us, as can be seen below:
It is said that, to this day, Jesus is still skating for our sins, as can be seen on this livestream from a few days ago:
May the Lord be blessed! Amen.