A plant should replace Nigel Farage in the European Parliament

unsplash-logoFrederic Köberl

Not too long ago, during the first hearing between Mark Zuckerberg and the European Parliament, we were able to assist at how useful Nigel Farage is in the Parliament, going as far as qualifying him of “Wasting European taxpayer money and oxygen inside the European Parliament.”.

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At the end of May, we wrote an article titled “Summary of the meeting between the European Parliament and Mark Zuckerberg”, the 27/05/2018. In this article, we mentioned that Farage was “Wasting European taxpayer money and oxygen inside the European Parliament.”. It turns out we weren’t the only ones thinking this, with Guy Verhofstadt already qualifying him of “biggest waste of money in the EU” back in 2012 and repeating these words again in 2017. 

Curiously, in the second interview, Farage talks of how he will be getting rid of his EU wage once the UK leaves the EU, but the irony behind this is now this waste of oxygen is demanding to keep his EU pension once the UK is out, a pension worth 73K £/year (80K €/year), paid by the British taxpayer, which should form part of the “divorce bill” paid by the UK to the EU if they reach a deal. According to Farage’s reasoning, there’s no reason he should suffer from his acts, even if, seeing how Brexit is going, many others will suffer from his lies. But hey, Farage will manage to twist this situation to his advantage, saying he is just getting back the money “stolen by the EU”, as some kind of Robin Hood, although Robin Hood would give back the money to the poor, not buy a house worth 4 million pounds.

Coming back to Farage and his useless interventions, we believe, and propose, to replace Farage by a plant (in a pot, obviously) to do his job in the European Parliament. Our reasoning is that Farage is only there to spout useless crap every single time he shows up (if he does, of course, while the plant will be there present 24h/24h, all the year, even during holidays!) and is paid a staggering 100K €/year (before tax), paid by the European (and therefore British too) taxpayer. A note on this, he was recently caught, allegedly, cheating on EU funds, using the allowed amount to pay for assistants that didn’t do EU-work related, costing him some 35K£/40K € on his income. He obviously said this was just the EU being vindictive against him, but with Marine Le Pen in the same boat, it is obvious he and others are just stealing EU money for their own cause.

Now, we do know a plant in a pot doesn’t really produce much oxygen, or at least not enough to even consider putting one in the first place. But, we’ll go with the assumption anyway. Farage costs the European taxpayer some 100K euros a year, plus any assistants that work for him. We will then have to pay his pension once he retires in about 10 years (the man is 54 already and should retire at around 63), unless there’s no deal between the UK and the EU. Without doing any maths, it’s 100% clear that the plant is a lot more interesting to have than him.

If maths are needed, one Farage consumes around 550 to 660 litres of oxygen a day, weighing in total less than a kilogram, and releases around 500 litres of CO2, weighting in total about a kilogram too, without producing anything useful in return. Meanwhile, your plant in a pot is worth more than Farage just from an aesthetic point of view. But, if we have to prove it with maths, one plant with 50 leaves, with each leaf producing some 5 ml of oxygen per hour, our plant would produce some 50*5=250ml of O2/hour. If we are nice and say Farage works for some 8 hours, this would be 250*8=1 500ml, or 1.5 litres of oxygen a day. As previously mentioned, not much. According to some calculations, between 300 to 500 house plants are needed to produce as much oxygen as one human consumes a day. The only maintenance required is removing the fallen leaves from time to time, as well as some water every few days. Very cheap overall.

So, our conclusion is that we should replace Nigel Farage at the European Parliament to save time, oxygen, European taxpayers’ money and the time of the rest of the members of the Parliament, while at the same time embellishing the surroundings. Win-win for all of us.

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